JUST FOR LAUGHS
Am sick and tired of being sick and tired, how do I enjoy being sick?
Give me some on your food
Understanding a joke requires complex cognitive processes.
For example, people with damage to the frontal right hemispheres of their brains do not find funny, and laugh at inappropriate times, But we all have a sense of humour and laughing is proven to keep you younger,
Just do not laugh out loud because the wrinkled face laughter could leave your jaws wide open.
You are the only fish in lake Victoria, I cannot live without you.
You are the light of my life. Before I met you, I walked in the dark.
I will love you so much until salt exhausts from lake katwe.
I’ll buy you 11 Roses; 10 real and 1 fake. And I’ll love you until the last rose dies
Honey please take me out (not just of the door into the yard
A pastor dies and is waiting in line at Heaven’s Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in star qt gear, a tshirt, sunglasses, jacket and jeans.
The gatekeeper addresses him, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you into the Kingdom of Heaven?” The guy replies, “I’m Ssempiira Timothy, taxi driver from star qt fashion lane, boss.” The gatekeeper checks his list. He smiles and says to him, “Take this silken robe and golden bag and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”
Now it’s the minister’s turn. He stands erect and booms out, “I am the left reverend kiboo, pastor of Nkola sente for the last forty-three years.”
The gatekeeper checks his list. He says to the minister, “Take this cotton robe and wooden bag and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”
wait a bit,” says the pastor. “That man was a taxi driver and he gets a silken robe and golden bag. How can this be?”
“Up here, we work by results,” explains the gatekeeper. “While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed.”
EMAIL GOT INTO THE WRONG INBOX
A man checked into an underground lodge. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and before he could do anything about it, the e-mail had left.
Meanwhile, in kololo, a widow had just returned from her husband’s funeral. She decided to check her inbox, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.
Upon reading the first message, she fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read as follow:
To : My loving wife
Subject: I’ve Reached
Date; 14 August 2010
I miss you so much I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They gave us computers here, and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.
I’ve just reached here and have been checked-in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Sure it is hot down here.
Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
Your loving hubby
My dear son
I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there.
I’m writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.
We don’t live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles.
I won’t be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address.
Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, and that our address will remain same too.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet I’m not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven’t seen them since.
The weather here isn’t too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.
The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.
Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven’t found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don’t know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your uncle, fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
There isn’t much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
Love – Mom.
I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter